Bra Code

Bra code unlike the bro code is not about universal sisterhood or else, wouldn't I have named it sis (which sounds more like sissy) code? So is it a neo feminist movement like burn the bra movement? Not exactly! I have never been comfortable with the term feminist and truly speaking I haven't grasped the meaning of that word till date in spite of looking it up in the dictionary quite a number of times.So what does the bra stand for? Well other than the obvious eyeball grabbing feature, bra stands here in my case, a short form of- bravery, brazen, brash - All the qualities that I feel are necessary for a female upto an extent, to survive and live according to one's own terms. Not that ultra feminine mild docile females don't survive, but maybe not in a manner they would want to. I don't guarantee happiness because I don't know your idea of happiness, but yes - if you follow the codes, there is a slim chance that people may not dare to mess with you.As it is , the world is so overcrowded , that in spite of every precaution of staying away from every body's line of fire, some one or other tends to tread on your toes. So aiming for that, I had formulated  these neo codes-something which your moms and husbands will never approve of.
The basic aims and principles  is to formulate some simple yet practical; unconventional yet sensible in a twisted way, doctrines which, if not in front of others,will surely redeem yourself, in your own eyes.


And so, the first of the code which I am gleefully presenting is
Code 1- Be Good, but at your own risk-
Risk ? Yes risk as in expectations, the sacrifices, etc etc. I am not saying be bad, but being good, in fact extra good comes with its riders- extra baggage , that which are called expectations. Come what may, you will always be expected to be good. Your life will be- "Come on honey, you are good na, so please let your brother have the toy." "Come on  dear you are the best person for this job. Only you can do the full night diwali duty without any other staff, alone " "Dear , you are sensible na.Forgive her ," (so what if that person has called you slut in front of everyone) You wanted to be good , so here it is. Be good and damn your happiness. Okay you speak about that warm fuzzy feeling when you do something good? Tell me honestly, do you get that everytime you do so? Don't you regret being reasonable sometimes? Isn't that the reason why there is a word 'gullible' in the dictionary?  I know being a good person is necessary, but be that only till the permissible level. And how do you know that? When you stop having that warm fuzzy feeling after being good.

Code 2-Think bad. Curse with all your might.
 Now after the good part, lets come to the bad of things. I very much understand the need to avoid anarchy hence the need to be not bad. You cannot afford to be bad at any time- It will cause a social as well as legal complication, but you can think bad. No harm in that as long as you don't translate it into actions.No harm in wishing some one bad or cursing them (secretly of course), if it is justified. Now let me make it clear here, that I am not speaking of envy or jealousy. That is not a voluntary action but rather a reaction ,-a feeling which you can't seem to control and you don't exactly wish the person ill, rather you wish it was you who was in her place. Nothing wrong in that, but my point is- Nothing wrong in wishing someone ill either if you feel you have been unjustly treated by that person and if thinking bad makes you feel better. Neither you are a psychic, who can bring the world to a standstill with your mental prowess nor can you destroy a person with your curses. No body has that power. If it would had been that simple, we would not be having WMDs rather we would have curse- ers of mass destruction where the people curse with all their might as a part of warfare. So don't have anything on your conscience and curse till your heart finds some relief. If by chance something bad does happen, its just a coincidence. Maktum! Everything is predestined.

  Code 3- Give them heaven before giving hell .
This is applicable if you are anticipating a break up, fallout or even a pink slip at your work place in the near future. Be calm and gracefully accept it. There is simply no point in begging or grovelling at someone's feet. It will just serve the purpose of your tormentor. Even if you are successful in averting the crisis, still at what cost? You will have to remain indebted forever to that someone and I am sure there will be those moments when he/she will rub it in. Instead it is better to follow the principle of Giving them heaven before giving them hell. Ask for some time before the final break and become the person that he or she desired you to be. The perfect friend, the lover, the worker- unimaginably nice! And just when the other person starts doubting his or her own decision, withdraw, so that the other person realises your value. I know it is not easy to be so much in control. At times it becomes difficult to withdraw even , but the trouble is worth it. Of course if you had not been a worth while investment, then you will not be missed, instead your departure will be rejoiced at, but if you have been even one tenth of what is defined as usefulness, you will be greatly missed and more so after the heavenly behaviour of last few days. Trust me, that person will regret his/her decision to the end of his/her life.


Code 4- Start a battle only when you are sure of finishing it up with a victory. Your victory. If that was about the battle of the psyche, as code no 4 this is what I would like to say- Back off if you are staring at a losing battle unless and until it is a fight for life. But for any sort of corporate battle, legal battle or even emotional battle, this is the principle to be followed. Martyrdom here, will profit none- at least not you. We usually come to have a fair idea of what we are facing and how much 'ammo' we possess. If you realise that the scales are unusually tilted in your opponent's favour, then back off, lie low, prepare the arsenal and then strike back later at the right time instead of showing unnecessary heroism at the wrong time. Start a battle only when you are sure you will be able to finish it and that too with the result  you desire.  The theory that at least you tried and went down  fighting is crap. There are only losers and winners in a battle and no consolation prizes or attempt-ers .  So you choose what you would like to be, as for me, I would rather wait and compromise a little, (if the time isn't right) before going for the final kill. You might say that if this is how everyone had acted in pre independence era , then we would have never had our freedom. But my dear, that was a collective battle while here I am speaking of your lone battle with no back ups which is- tough!

Code 5- Life is just- Life. Don't expect more than that from it. Right from our school days, we are conditioned about the proper behaviour, morality and virtuous life. We are taught about optimism in life and having a faith in goodness. But life doesn't usually follow the same rules of -be good and everything will be good and evil will beget evil. So much are we fed with those stuff , that when we see those teachings being confounded, we are disillusioned and shattered that ultimately life is nothing but Maya or Illusion. All our army school like discipline and training goes down the drain with that one single word - Maya. So why the training? Well I am not saying that discipline is unnecessary. But there are some major flaws... We do not have an uniform universal code of being good. The edicts and principles of various authorities do come close quite often, but many a time they may clash with each other too.  So what might be bad for good you is quite possibly bad for the other. But that is not the issue. My point is do not put all your money on the theory of Good deed =reward and bad deed =punishment theory. It usually doesn't follow that principle for the simple reason that life has its own rules that we will never be able to comprehend.But of course we have to act according to those teachings because we will not survive half a day if we do not follow some common rules, for survival's sake. But thats it- Only Survival's Sake. So next time you see the so called corrupt Govt. babu hitting the jackpot in a lotto game, do not pout and sulk about life being unfair. Life is just- Life. Don't expect more than that from it.

Code 6-Males will never understand your point of view or your woes, so stop looking for a male shoulder to cry on.
Male female equation or relationship has always been a hot topic of discussions, which usually used to end with the conclusion that men will never understand a women. So next time you are low, depressed or want to talk to someone, ignore the men and head straight for your female friends. Why should we expect a patient hearing and understanding from them,when they themselves shout from the rooftop that they can never understand us no matter  how much they try. Is there any reason burdening them some more if they are such ignoramus?  So as I said, the next time you need a shoulder to cry on, don't waste your time on the men. Give them the royal cold shoulder  (as it is, fifty percent of a woman's tears are due to the man only) and hunt down your bestie instead. (Do I hear sigh of relief?)

Code 7- You accept only what you want to accept, otherwise you just compromise.
Continuing on the subject of male-female relationship, you will usually come across super studs and not-so-super-studs who like to flaunt this attitude of -" I am like that only.If you want me you will have to accept me the way I am" Totally insensitive and A big deadlock isn't it?  All the current trends seem to support it. It is usually agreed that if you love a person truly, you will accept him the way he is. Not at all! I disagree. Why should you accept him if you don't feel he is acceptable at the first place. Ok, you had the wrong impression initially (and he is guilty as sin for impersonating,) but after, that he cannot make you accept him  the way he is.You accept only what you want to accept, otherwise you just compromise. So the question is, will you accept or more appropriately compromise and live with someone whom your mind and heart refuses to accept? No!, No amount of love from your side can make you really accept him that way, just as the fact, that no amount of love will make him change for you. So the sensible thing to do that, is just letting go. This is not about remoulding a person as per your whims, but it is about being acceptable. If he refuses to bargain, then just make it clear that the deal is off, but of course you might like to compromise as usual and keep on hoping that he might one day change. Dream away girl. He will never.

Code 8- Let them have their laughs , while we take the goodies.
We are often criticised by various people for multitude of things- about our fickle mind, materialistic mindset, opportunistic attitude and many more. We are slammed as being unladylike if we try to rough it out like the males , or laughed at as wimps when we demand for special concessions. Let them have their jokes, let them have their moments of frustration and rave and rant at us, while we go for the diamonds, special ladies coaches, reservations and everything. We do not need to explain, feel ashamed or defend our stand as long as we get the goodies. The focus is not about having them their way, but on having our way. So let them be vocal while we take over the locale (sorry bed joke ). You cannot play fair with the un-fair sex because history is full of evidence of their unfairness to us. So make hay while the sun shines and just focus on what we can have instead of worrying over what they are crying for.

Code 9- Practise a healthy living only in a manner where you get to enjoy your life too.
Coming to the health front , much has been advocated about healthy lifestyle. The thing is, practise a healthy living only in a manner where you get to enjoy your life too and not, "be healthy in such a way that you never ever  enjoy in life"  In other words what use is a healthy lifestyle if you never get to enjoy your healthy life even a wee bit.? Is health about dying healthy or living life to the fullest as far as health permits? I guess it is the second one. So once in a while stop counting the cholesterol and calories and go for the that delicious rich sumptuous meal. Enjoy the saturday nights by partying late, now and then. It will not harm much and even if it does, sometimes it is worth it.

Code 10- Reveal your age, not your weight or waist size.
At the end, let me take a very frivolous matter for our last code. Earlier it used to be said that a lady never divulges her age but in my code I say-Go and by all means reveal your age. In fact quote a higher figure then what it actually is and just wait for the compliments to pour in. Like - "Oh wow! you dont look your age. you look younger". After all it isn't your fault that you are getting old, but it is certainly your credit that you have maintained yourself so perfectly. In fact it is better to hide the weight and waist size instead of the age. Makes more sense.

That were ten codes in all and maybe I have missed many points in between, but no worries. The moment I have a self realisation or a new code. I will be adding it here. If you have any to contribute from your side to the above then please feel free to mention them.