Indian Females Are Hypocrites-
This is the general view of some frustrated egoistic males who have not yet learnt the art of facing and accepting a No for an answer. Bad opening line isn't it? No originality, nothing poetic or lyrical in it but again this post is not a labour of love, rather it is an answer to a very grave accusation, which brings us to the first line again.
Indian females are hypocrites. Why? In what context? Let me elaborate. This line is usually thrown at us , (yes yes , I am a true blue Indian Female) in reference to emotions, love and sex-In reference to our traditional values and supposedly materialistic mind set.
My defence is a microscopic dissection of our philosophy and no holds barred confessions of our innermost desire through which I will attempt to prove that we are not hypocrites.
First reason why we are considered hypocrites is that we concentrate more on marriage rather than on the emotion that is love. Love it seems is just a means to catch someone eligible to get hooked to for life.
One falls in love , the going is great and then after a few blissful months the girl starts pestering for marriage.
Is it true?Yes it is ,but let me tell you why. Every body loves and wants a 'good going' to keep on going. The period of being in love is the most beautiful time of your life and obviously you would love to keep it that way ( no wonder guys you are so much averse to marriage)- the dates, the fun, the stolen moments of love, the passion. If only time would stop still! Fine, we agree with you totally.
Now picture this- The girl marches up to her family and coolly tells them, "Dudes! listen I am in love with this guy and I would love to keep it that way. So no marriage for me. Not to him nor to anyone else so be ready to see me around for a loooooong time."
Can you imagine what will happen next? I shudder to even think about it. So now , you tell me is it possible to keep the romance going on without moving on to the next phase. She doesn't want to lose you and the only way she can keep you in her life is by marrying you. Why don't you guys understand this small logical thing? And moreover guys, doesn't her wish to be with you forever an indication of her lifelong commitment to you, for her love? Why do you all think of it as a business deal where you stand to lose. Just tell me where does the girl stand to gain by marrying you?. Gone are the days when a girl was dependent on her man for up keep. Along with her job she has to keep your house, sugar up to your family, and raise your kids too , so in that way its you who gain all the way.
Second reason why we are hypocrites is because it seems we act too preachy and holy when it comes to sex.
Wrong! It is said that we act too conservatively and and we use tradition and values as our shields against passion. Tell me is it easy to say no in a moment of extreme passion. No! So? So, it means that the passion was just not enough for the girl to give into you. There simply wasn't enough chemistry. We too are made of flesh and blood and we too have our secret desires and wishes but it isn't a switch on -switch off thing. If she had said no to you irrespective of your relationship status ( because passion is irrespective of a relationship) then she simply did not want it for whatever reason it maybe. Maybe she didn't find you attractive physically ( I said attractive, not handsome. Hope you note the difference) May be she wasn't comfortable with having sex on the sly. Maybe sex was the last thing on her mind.What's the big deal ? Can't she have a preference? Just because she was gracious enough to come out with you on a date, should you suppose that she is ready to sleep with you. Does spending your hard earned cash on a cup of coffee legally bind her into having sex with you? You offered her so its not her fault or even if it was she who suggested it, if the price of a coffee meant so much to you, you should have let her know what she was letting in to at the beginning itself. Being modern in outlook doesn't mean she can't have a choice and it doesn't mean that she will have to jump into the bed of the first guy who comes up to her.Come on guys, learn to take no for an answer. For a change I would like to say, give her some space.
We are too materialistic in our choices and put less importance to emotions.
Like? Job, cars, status , education etc etc. It's as if we have a monitor for it. The How lovable is he- quotient. Is it wrong to look for the above? Don't you all look for the perfect skin, perfect complexion , perfect figure, perfect smile and so on ? It is basic human nature to look for , to desire for certain qualities in his/ her partner. Of course love is spontaneous and one will fall in love if there is even a hint of something magical or a chemistry so why worry? If it is meant to happen it will happen and if she did say no , just because she didn't like your indulgence of a weekly drinking binge, why take it so much to heart. Isn't it better to be rejected initially than to go for a relationship that runs the risk of failing in the future for the same reason. Don't you think she is keeping a transparency of whatever she wants by doing so?
That brings us to the reason of confusion.
Yes, a few guys had scoffed at instances of girls being confused about their relationships. Why can't she be confused of her feelings? Confusion isn't a copyrighted feeling kept aside for only elite topics, like job choices, career, buying cars or houses etc. Wherever there is a choice there will be confusions. She may enjoy your company , she may like you a lot, but is it THE emotion called love? If she is taking time to be sure than she is not sure that it is it and that maybe because it really isn't . Your insistence for a definite commitment won't hasten her realisation of her feelings. As I said earlier, give her some space. It isn't only you who need it, a girl may need it too.
Finally I come to the post marriage scenario. Often There's this accusation that all romance and passion fly out of the window after the girl gets what she wanted and that is marriage.
Oh no no no! A misconception. A married woman wants the romance most because she cannot have it. And do you know why she can't have it? It's because the poor thing doesn't have the time and energy to go for it.Yes, after managing a home efficiently, working long hours in the office, being a good mother, home maker and daughter in law , she is hardly left with enough energy to whisper sweet nothings and make passionate love to you in the nights. Her mind is burdened with the day to day nonsense and thoughts of how to make the next day better for you all, alone, simply because you do not come forward to share that responsibility with her. Office politics is enough to make you feel pompously important and busy for other things. So you can imagine how it is for her to multitask all alone. I guess that answers why and where the romance flies off after marriage.
I have just covered the tip of the ice berg, but whatever accusations you might have, each of them has a defense, each has an explanation and justification. And so the bottom line is WE ARE NOT HYPOCRITES